October 16, 2015 § 10 Comments
Once I was on a party boat in Acapulco
And halfway through it I found out that by some amazing coincidence
Everyone on it had given me a one star review on Amazon
Including the bar boys
And at first they were polite, saying things like, It just wasn’t for me
Or it started good and dragged in the middle
And then they drank a bunch of cheap tequila shots
And started saying meaner things
Like your novel sucks
And you suck too
And if I could have given it zero stars
I would have.
Furthermore, I’d like to murder everyone on your acknowledgment page
With a club made from the wood of the tree that died for this thing you call a book.
They formed a conga line and shouted you suck! you suck!
To the beat of Taylor Swift
And the bar boys shouted Usted suckoste! Usted suckoste! Dirty whore!
Which is guess is a kind of spanglish.
Anyway I also saw
A couple of dolphins.