My Saintly Mother Has Not Bought The Farm

May 4, 2012 § 15 Comments

I haven’t spoken of my dear Mother very much on the blog lately, and I know that when people get to her age and you don’t hear anything, you assume she’s facedown in her garden, shotgun still clutched in hand, with a raccoon performing a slow, respectful victory dance on her head.  But no, she’s alive, kicking, and mean as ever (see post on Facebook, a recent tool of evil she has co-opted and perfected.)

Ma’s been going around on book promotions with me.

I took her to Portland to the book party/reading there.

Notable quotes:

(Watching my friends Jason and Mark rustle up her margarita) I think more people should be gay because they are so nice!

(looking around at the $40 million office of Wieden and Kennedy) They didn’t waste any money on paint.

(After the reading) No one asked me to flip the bird with my toes, and I even got a pedicure.

(To TSA agent after her pair of NASA-issued titanium shoulder sockets set off the alarm)  A pat down?  Yippee!  That’s the best offer I’ve gotten in years! *

So great seeing so many of you, and thank you for being so nice to my mother.  She’s back home now, protecting innocent garden tomatoes from the scurrilous paws of interloping varmints.

*TSA agent’s reaction:  Amused bewilderment under a translucent mask of bureaucratic stoicism

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§ 15 Responses to My Saintly Mother Has Not Bought The Farm

  • Michele Wilhite says:

    What can I say? Your Mom is a star! You, ( the apple), didn’t fall far from your Mom’s tree! We had lots of laughs, not too many at your expense:) I’m glad she was a travel buddy!

  • jeff says:

    mom’s say the darnedest things.

  • She was the hit of the LA party, even after she ran out of steam toward the end and started doing a crossword puzzle. Thought of you today, Michele, when I used my blue pen. 🙂

  • cousin bridget says:

    Yes she is alive and full of life. At a recent family gathering I was able to sneak her away for some much needed venting on swla politics. What we discussed is top secret and the world should fear us. Also i was complaining about needing to quit smoking and how hard its was. Aunt Polly told me ” my dear quiting smoking is very easy I have done it over twenty times myself. ” I love the woman and aspire to be just like her. Now excuse me I need to go set the coon trap out back

    • I agree that you two are dangerous. And I’m taking it that by “recent family gathering” you mean “graveyard reunion.”

    • Saintly Mother says:

      Bridget, last night I heard Desperate (the fur-factory calico cat Kathy dumped on me several years ago) scream her “Grammy, come quick” blood-curdling cry. I ran to the back door and flipped on the porch light to discover the BIGGEST raccoon I have ever seen – snarling at Desperate through the sliding door. It probably was misput that the figs aren’t ripe yet. The tree is absolutely loaded with figs of varying sizes. Wonder how many of them I will get to eat? Hummmmm, maybe I’ll buy a trap.

  • Way to go Miss Polly! Hope to see you soon!

  • Favorite cousin, Sandy says:

    Oh, Kathy, I can just hear Aunt Polly saying these things! As I read your blog, I thought about how fortunate parents are today to have so many ways to record their kid’s clever remarks. At the time, you think you’ll never forget, but sometimes they do slip from your memory. Aunt Polly’s humdingers are going to be a huge part of the legacy she leaves behind and now, thanks to you and technology, she can be laughed at for generations to come! ;-D

  • cousin bridget says:

    Yes graveyard reunion lol

  • cousin bridget says:

    Its time I make a trip and rid your yard of these pest. The traps are fairly cheap and easy to use.once traped you can release em into some wooded area miles from your home and figs. Ps. Aunt polly i want some fig jelly

  • Joshua Sisco says:

    Keep them coming! I love your relationship with your mother, very cool.

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