THANK YOU, FACEBOOK – 10 REASONS
February 8, 2012 § 23 Comments
1. For saving me from baking muffins and appearing at someone’s door when I could just post, Sorry for your loss 😦
2. For helping people find me who would otherwise just be a terrible memory.
3. For giving me the outlandish popularity that makes a fiction of these Friday nights alone.
4. For turning my Like-button-pressing thumb into a giant whore.
5. For allowing total strangers to friend and subsequently defriend me, because they were tired of my imaginary shenanigans.
6. For helping me keep up with my ex-boyfriend’s much-improved life without me.
7. For the day I woke up, saw that my mother had friended me, and lost control of my bladder.
8. For videos I don’t watch because I know they will make me sad, but which I Like anyway to show I am a sensitive person.
9. For the “kill me” gaze of dressed-up pets staring out of Halloween photos.
10. For giving others a forum to tag me on photos in which I look fat, or drunk, or drunkenly fat, or fatly drunk.