Oprah’s Picture Read My Novel

October 6, 2011 § 2 Comments


At the time my first novel, House of Gentle Men, was sold, every writer dreamed of that call from Oprah which would propel them to literary success overnight.  Having no chance to reach her physically, I admit that I turned to the dark arts.  I found a (flattering) picture of her, taped it to the wall, turned an advance copy of House of Gentle Men to page 1, and put it over Oprah’s face.  Every day I turned a page. When I was out of town I had my long-suffering neighbor, Joseph, come over and turn the page.  My reasoning was, if Oprah’s picture was reading my novel, could Oprah herself be far behind? The answer was yes…she could be very very far behind. And so I waited by the phone.  Originally a rotary phone, then a push-button phone, then a cell phone, then an I-Phone 4G. Ten years from  now I will be waiting by a phone small enough to fit in your eyelid. And it still won’t ring.


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