Lindsey and Stevie Rock the Hollywood Bowl

May 27, 2013 § 9 Comments

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Stevie Nicks:  Hello LA!

Drunken high LA crowd:  PRIMAL SCREAM

Lindsey Buckingham:  Here we are 40 years later, still milking our drama for profit!

Mick Fleetwood:  I’m still crazy! Look, my eyes are rolling! Funny!

John McVie:  My hands are permanently frozen in the bass playing position! I walk around looking like I’m holding the stiff body of a treasured pet that was hit by a truck!

Christine McVie:  I’m not here! I’m in England! Lose my number!

Lindsey:  Stevie, I love/hate/mostly hate you!

Stevie:  Die, Lindsey! I love you!

Lindsey: We’re going to play some new material now.

Drunken High LA Crowd:  GROAN, LONG TOKE ON SMUGGLED-IN BONG, GULP OF WARM BEER WASHING DOWN FAILED, SCALPED ECSTACY TABS.

Lindsey:  Kidding! We’re going to play something from Rumors. We are frozen in time!

Drunken High LA Crowd:  YAY!

Stevie:  I wrote this next song in 1974 sitting on a mound of cocaine. It’s where I did my best thinking. It was originally called “Lindsey Buckingham is Satan, if Satan had Freakish Dwarf Testicles and No Eyelids or Soul.” I later shortened it to, “Dreams.”

DHLAC:  NOSTALGIC COLLECTIVE SHUDDER.

Lindsey:  Hey Stevie, remember the time I gave you an oleander twig and told you it was nature’s toothbrush?

Stevie:  We still laugh about that one.

Mick Fleetwood:  Is it time for my drum solo? 

John McVie:  I’m still playing bass in the shadows!

Christine McVie:  I’m still not here!

John McVie:  It’s dark and cold!

Lindsey:  I wrote this for Stevie in 1976.  It was originally called, “Have Some More Cocaine, Whore.” I later shortened it to “Go Your Own Way.”

Mick Fleetwood:  You guys were crazy! But not as crazy as my eyes! Watch them roll down memory lane!

DHLAC:   WARM BEER! MERCHANDISE!

Lindsey:  We’re gonna play something from Tusk…

DHLAC:  OMINOUS BUZZING LIKE THE EAST COAST LOCUSTS

Lindsey:  Hahaha no, we mean Rumors!

DHLAC:  YAY!

Stevie:  I call this one: “Lindsey Buckingham is Double Evil, Like Monsanto Crop Circles.” Later I shortened it to “Gold Dust Woman.”

Lindsey:  I’m gonna come over during Stevie’s solo and play with her hair so you idiots will think we’re back together.

DHLAC:  AHHHH THEY’RE BACK TOGETHER!

Stevie:  We’ll ride this stupid horseshit narrative right into another kajillion dollars!

Lindsey:  Even though I’m married to another woman and have three kids!

Stevie:  Details!

DHLAC:  TOUCH HER BUTT!  TOUCH HER BUTT!

(Lindsey touches her butt)

DHLAC:  AHHHHHH THEY’RE FLIRTING! THEY’RE LIKE ROMEO AND JULIET!

Stevie:  If Romeo was a megalomaniac bipolar devil who reeked of sulfur and killed puppies!

Lindsey:  And Juliet had a 666 on her neck and ate Romeo’s life force while pretending to love him!

DHLAC:  HATE MEANS LOVE!  YAY!  BATHROOM LINES!  BEER!  LEAVE DURING THE FINAL SONG AND BEAT THE TRAFFIC! YOU STEPPED ON MY BIRKENSTOCK! DID YOU FEEL THAT EARTHQUAKE? I AM LEASING A TESLA!

Stevie:  I’m gonna try a twirl now. Someone get my twirl-spotters.

(Twirl-spotters take stage. Stevie begins slow twirl while Lindsey begins blistering  guitar solo)

Mick Fleetwood:  I’m crazy!

John McVie:  It’s so dark!

Christine McVie: I’m still not here!

§ 9 Responses to Lindsey and Stevie Rock the Hollywood Bowl

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